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Enterprise
Episode 2.05, "A Night at Sickbay"
Written by Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Directed by David Straiton
Air Date: 10.16.02
Awhile back I had this thought - what if there was an episode of a given show where nothing really happened? Like a day in the life of the Moya crew where they were just hangin' out, doing... uh, whatever it is they do when not in peril. Well, the latest offering from Enterprise is the closest thing I've ever seen to that concept, and the results are perhaps not surprising. It blows.
The entire episode takes place over the course of one long night. The Enterprise is in need of a warp coil or something, and the people of some planet can give them one, but they're offended extremely easily. The first time was when the crew ate in front of them. The second time was when Porthos pissed on one of their sacred trees. Worse yet, while he has there, Porthos picked up a nasty pathogen. This means Porthos might die. This is the thrust of the episode. I only wish I were kidding.
Archer is up pretty much all night dealing with this catastrophic turn of events as the good doctor races against the clock to find a cure. During the course of the night, Phlox does find time however to trim his toe nails and scrape his tongue. By the way, we witness these things happening. Again, I'm not kidding.
The only remotely interesting thing happening during this episode is the sexual tension between Archer and T'Pol, which Archer finally admits is real. Predictably enough, though, the love scene between them is a dream. Like we ever suspected otherwise.
In an odd way, I admire B&B for trying to do something original here. I've never seen a more talky Star Trek episode. Now if only they had been saying something interesting. I unofficially dub this the worst Star Trek episode ever. Enterprise or otherwise. This was unforgivable.
Episode Rating: 1 out of 10.
-- Ultra Magnus is not really a sour guy. Honestly. This was just bad.
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