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Black Sash
Episode 1.01, "Pilot"
Directed by James Marshall
Written by Robert Mark Kamen
Starring: Russel Wong (Tom Chang), Ray J (Bryan Lanier), Corey Sevier (Trip Brady), Sarah Carter (Allie Bennet), and Missy Peregrym (Tory Stratton)
Air Date: 03/30/03
Since my continuing spiral into madness is a popular subject, I give you "Black Sash." Well, that's not entirely true. The truth is the WB gives me Black Sash and I give you 400-5000 words worth of bile. Let's start with the premise. An ex-cop gets out of a Hong Kong prison and returns to San Francisco to rebuild his life. All he wants to do is teach martial arts to overly attractive teenagers and see his daughter again. This isn't as easy as the WB would have you believe. No, there are certain obstacles a martial arts master must overcome. Like the fact that his ex-wife married a white asshole who used to star in Poltergeist: The Legacy. Captain Whitey McCracker can't stand the idea of his "daughter" making time with her biological father, so he has a restraining order put in place. Now what's a convicted criminal to do? Well, if he's wrongly convicted he becomes a bounty hunter to pay his legal fees. Yes, a bounty hunter.
This show is already making the mistake of having way too many fucking characters in the cast. There's the token, Street Savvy Black Guy (Ray J) played by Brandy's less talented brother. There's Anger Management Girl, who wants nothing more than to avenge the death of her cop father. There's Abused Boy, who's subplot is taken care of right away when his abusive father gets his ass handed to him by Mr. Chang. Anger Management Girl's subplot is also taken care of quickly. To pay his lawyer, Tom decides to kill two birds with one stone. Billy Wu is worth $5000, and he also happens to be the man who killed AMG's daddy. There are other characters, but I've become far to inebriated to give a damn. Maybe I'll care more next week. Maybe I'll have committed suicide by then. Who knows? I mean, Hell has to be better than this right? Right?
One of this show's primary shortcomings is mediocre fight choreography. After poor characterization, lousy dialogue, and shitty acting of course. Russel Wong actually does a decent job as a man who tries to practice what he preaches. You can see that the moral lessons he tries to teach these idiot kids aren't that easy. It's just too bad that the other actors just aren't up to snuff. Are the words coming out of their mouths supposed to be funny intentionally, or am I laughing because some of these fuckwits actually make Rachel Skarsten (Dinah from Birds of Prey) look like Susan Sarandon. Not even the voice of Aku, Mako himself, could bring enough joy to this show right now. They try really hard to make this shit fun, and I feel bad sometimes since I can't enjoy it. Then I have another drink, and I become belligerent. The cycle sort of continues like that. It just so happens that I come from the Ike Turner School of Television Criticism.
There is potential, however. If they scale back the cast a bit, at least in terms of focus, it could work. Right now there are too many faces vying for my attention. Focus on two of the kids from week to week in a subplot, with Tom trying to capture some bail jumper as the show's thrust. If next week's preview is any indication, I doubt that's the route they'll take. Doesn't anyone realize that building characters takes time? You can't just shove exposition and hammy dialogue into scenes to explain things. Let us SEE their development through their actions and reactions to developments in the plot. The martial art featured in this show is Ba Gua Zhang, an "internal" style of Kung Fu. I have no understanding of this style's workings outside of what I've read doing research for this review. In the show, at least, one of the elements in Ba Gua Zhang is adapting to circumstances. Why not show the development of these characters as they adapt?
Who am I kidding? This show probably won't last the rest of the season. It sure as hell won't develop beyond its limitations. Hell, I'll probably be too drunk to enunciate Black Sash by the end of next week's episode. I give the first episode of Black Sash:
Episode Rating: 6 out of 10
- Steven Dougherty would like to endorse Glenlivet as the toxin of choice for all would be television critics. Remember children, you can't be a writer unless you're a violent drunk. Charles Dickens taught us that.
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