The Survivor Awards

Well, this run of Survivor is over and Ethan is crowned as the third winner in the show's history. Congratulations to him. Now that it's all over it's time to hand out some awards to those involved.

The "I Gotta Be Me" Award

Tie: Frank and Tom

These two men couldn't be more different but they both played the game as themselves. Frank is a quiet no-nonsense kind of guy. He clearly signed up so that he could see Africa. Winning was secondary. He made no bones about his feelings or beliefs but also didn't crow about them. He was a rare competitor on the show for not seeming to care what people thought of him.

Tom was loud, boisterous and completely incapable of holding a thought in his head without speaking it. Give him credit for being a lot smarter than he acted though. There was some savviness to his approach but ultimately that big mouth lost him the prize.

The "Are You Sure You're A Professional Athlete?" Award

Ethan

For a guy who makes his living as an athlete, he sure lost a lot of athletic challenges. In the end it didn't matter, he won the game, but it makes you wonder.

The "Khan Noonien Singh" Award

Teresa

"From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." Those are the last words of Khan from the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Teresa did her best to embody them prior to her exit. Clearly a fierce competitor, Teresa simply couldn't give up without a fight so in a last ditch effort to save herself she made sure to take Tom down with her.

The "Colleen Haskell" Award

Kim P.

Named for the cutie from the first season of the show, this award goes to the most adorable cast member. I don't think there's any doubt that little Kim is the winner here.

The "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde" Award

Lex

This guy could be the sweetest person around one minute and the next he's talking about cutting someone's heart out for a perceived slight. He's practically in tears at a children's hospital in one show and in another he's leading a witch hunt. Lex, do us all a favor and relax a bit.

The "Pure Guts" Award

Kim J.

A 56 year old grandmother lasting until the final two. She couldn't win any physical challenges but she played her cards beautifully to make do until she had the opportunity to use her brain and will power. Very impressive.

The "Bad Impression" Award

Lindsey

She seems to think of herself as a tough athletic individual. On camera though she came off as whiny and loud mouthed with a tendency to want to hang with the beautiful people. Luckily she can laugh it off, take note of the shirt she wore in the reunion which said "No Whining."

Runner Up: Brandon

Apparently he wanted to make a statement about the stereotype of gay men. Unfortunately, the onscreen version of him came off as a "flaming bitch" in his own words.

The "Blink And You'll Miss Them" Award

Diane

Voted off in the first episode, she would have been totally forgotten if not for getting Clarence involved in the "Bean-Gate" scandal.

Runner Up: Jessie

Sent packing in the second episode, she was a hair more memorable than Diane for being the first to barf on camera. Thanks guys for making us watch that.

The "Who Did You Piss Off?" Award

Silas

The infamous tribe switch seemed custom built to get him off the show. Makes you wonder if Mark Burnett caught him sleeping with his daughter or something like that to incur his wrath.

The "Give It a Rest" Award

Linda

She clearly signed up to visit Africa. That's fine. But the "Mother Africa" speeches wore thin really fast. I imagine it's the equivalent of being locked in a closet with a religious zealot.

The "Grand Slam Breakfast" Award

Clarence

Anybody else get the feeling that after getting home he made a beeline to the nearest Denny's and just ordered the entire menu? A guy with an appetite like that shouldn't be signing up for a game like this.

The "I'm Just a Little Bitter" Award

Kelly

I suspect she's still scheming revenge on Lex. Talk about nursing a grudge. Even when she didn't have a real reason to hold a grudge she conjured one up, harping on Ethan for not getting to know her well enough. Somebody needs a valium.

The "I Ran Out of Good Ideas" Award

Carl

Sorry Doc, I couldn't really think of anymore awards. But I didn't want you to go home empty handed so call this a lovely parting gift.

- John Shea

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