Valentine

19 August, 2000

Ah the slasher flick. Long one of Hollywood's least respected genres. Of course it's hard to gain much respect when your plot hinges on people getting hacked up for no apparent reason. But these films are cheap to make, do respectable box office and spawn sequels like bunnies. So for a studio exec, what's not to love?

Add the name Valentine to the list of slasher franchises because that's just what Warner Bros. want this movie to become. Currently shooting with a target release date of Valentine's Day 2001, the movie features a young attractive cast of Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, Jessica Capshaw, Marley Shelto and Katherine Heigl. Sitting in the director's chair is Jamie Blanks, a man I still haven't forgiven for the laughable Urban Legend.

Stax got a hold of the script and reported back with his opinions.

Am I really supposed to enjoy a story that's only about women getting butchered by some nutcase? On any given day, the news reports about some unfortunate soul being stalked and killed by someone they knew. I guess I just couldn't divorce myself from these tragic realities while reading Valentine. At least the Scream films generally bypassed this by poking fun at the genre and its conventions. Valentine, though, is not as self-aware or as humorous and subsequently became an exercise in gruesome violence.

Scream offered something of greater entertainment value than just violence because it found the humor in its story and made us care about a single protagonist. Alfred Hitchcock's films were like that as well and Hitch could have had a field day with a story like Valentine. While several of his films are known for their misogynistic plots – where, as with Valentine, beautiful young women are threatened and/or killed as punishment for their "sins" – Hithcocks' works were also laced with subversive wit. And speaking of Hitchcock, there happens to be a direct swipe here from Psycho's infamous shower scene. Near the end of Valentine, there's a very familiar image of a woman's blood swirling down a shower drain after "the cherub" murders her. Such an "homage" only further reminded me of what an uninspired rehash this story was.

For those who believe that slasher movies are largely mediocre and only offer the cheapest sort of thrills, this story will simply reaffirm such opinions. Valentine won't be the worst movie of its kind; some might even enjoy watching it in their dorm rooms with a bunch of friends late at night. Unfortunately, there's just nothing to this particular tale that hasn't been seen, or done better, countless times before. – STAX

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