TNMC: Untitled Deadpool Column

She doesn't Glitter

While checking my list of potential script reviews for our marathon, a title intrigued me. In the past week, a lot of media has followed the Mariah Carey tragedy. The poor hottie has apparently being hospitalized for exhaustion after suffering a physical and emotional breakdown. Rumors of a suicide attempt have swirled around the diva too. Among the madness 20th Century Fox has pushed back her debut movie Glitters. A few months ago, I started reviewing the script to that movie. I didn't finish it thinking who the heck would want to know about this lame project? Well now, the movie is in the spotlight and I finally finished my review. Bare in mind, half of it was written 6 months ago:

My Script Review of Glitter

Rarely in movie history has an African-American actress been able to develop and produce her own material. Till now... Meet Mariah Carey, the best selling female musical artist of the 90's. After flirting for years with becoming an actress, she decided to produce one of her own ideas and take the lead role of the project. She worked with screenwriter Kate Lanier developing the script to Glitter. The film finished shooting last fall with Curtis Vondie-Hall at the helm and will be released on September 21st.

Billie James (Mariah Carey) was abandoned by her mother at age 8. She grew up at a foster home with her best friends Louise (Da Brat) and Roxanne (Tia Texada). Now at 23, she's a back-up singer for Sylk, a no-name dance singer. A young hip DJ, called Dice (Max Beesley), recognizes Billie's talent. He produces a few dance tracks for Billie's solo album. Their professional relationship turns into romance. Billie's career suddenly starts rising with her first hit. The record label sees the potential Billie has and wants to turn the dance diva into a pop diva. Dice is shoved aside creatively and starts a downward spiral into depression. Everything starts falling apart when Billie meets hunky singer Rafael (Eric Benet) who wants to do a duet with her. Oh yeah and all the action takes place in 1984...

On a scale from 1 to 10, how bad is it? I would have to say 4. I have read worst scripts then this one. It's lame and full of things we have already seen a billion times. What I don't understand is what this script is trying to be. Is it a comedy? No. Is it a musical? Again no. Is it a drama? Well, the way I read it, it is definitely not a serious drama. Even the romance gets scrapped in the final act. Does anyone know if they reshot the ending? I'm definitely sure that test audiences wouldn't have have liked the script's ending, which is a definite letdown.

BILLIE
I...I've had this fantasy for so long... Since I was a kid, you know? I'm onstage or on a big TV show, and I'm singing the most beautiful, emotional song... and my Mom's watching. And she knows it's me, and that I made it...

She created this role for herself. She co-wrote the story. She sings most of the songs. She developed the project too. Couldn't anyone see her breakdown coming? Coming up with the idea for this movie, was the first sign that she was flipping out. Seriously, if anyone else would have been cast in this role, the movie would have been an ABC Movie of The Week.

DICE
Yeah. Like...like the glitterati - like a famous, talented person. Look at you. It's all there... you're it Billie. You're gonna be huge...

Who the hell is Max Beesley? He has played in such classic movies as The Match, Five Seconds to Spare, It Was an Accident and Kill Me Later. Enough said, this guy doesn't even deserve to act in a Hollywood film.

Thanks to Mariah's problems this film will get an opening but don't expect this movie to make any 'real' money. After one of your friend sees the film and asks "Did they really write a script for this movie?" Tell them, yeah and some poor idiot had to read it.

Stay tuned...

That's all folks...

Jean-François Allaire is TNMC's first columnist. At only 24 years old he has become a respected entertainment journalist, with his columns appearing in such major websites as Corona's Coming Attractions and Scr(i)pt magazine. Hailing from Montreal this young writer is determined to dig up all the details on the movies before they hit your local theater. If you're part of a movie production then you really need to be talking to him.