Coyote Ugly

Favorite Lines from the Audience:

"Someone please put a gun to my head and shoot me."

"Oh God!"

"Someone please cut off my oxygen supply!"

"This is destined to suck."

"I'm glad Dogburt and Fabio weren't here to see this. There would have been snuggling. And no one wants to see that. Again."

Favorite Lines from the Movie:

"She's tired of being the only Virgin in New York City."

"Men have two year old children in their pants. You look like a school teacher. The kids are gonna love you.

Reviews

Red Sonja
0 stars

First, a word of advice to anyone on this site that may be thinking about going to see Coyote Ugly. DON'T! I liken the experience of seeing this movie to accidentally walking in on your naked grandmother in the bathroom. Or maybe being strapped to a chair and forced to listen to Celine Dion sing the Titanic song... FOR TWO HOURS. Either of these scenarios provide a glimpse of the sickening, utterly hopeless feeling I had as I crawled shamefully from the theater to my car. I swear, if I had a gun on me halfway through the movie I wouldn't be alive today to pen this review. And I would be better off.

The worst thing about this is that I had only seen the trailers for the film, so I was completely blindsided by its actual content. I just wonder how many other men have been lured into this mess by the deviously orchestrated false advertising campaign you see on the TV and in the movie trailers. The trailer promises such delights as a tank top clad Tyra Banks (Tyra, Oh Yeah!) having cool water poured over her body by other scantily clad ladies, and half naked women cavorting on a top bar in flames. That type of glorious activity represents ONLY TEN MINUTES OF THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!! The other hour and 45 minutes is crammed full of lines like ""Your mother quit because of me. I'm not making the same mistake twice." "Oh I love you daddy."" and "how does it feel when all of your dreams come true." As for the latter, I wouldn't know. My dream is to never have seen this travesty... and its too late for that.

If wanted to sit through an hour of sap like this I'd turn on Oprah. God forgive me for what I've just said. To sum all of this up in one simple line, I haven't been in this much pain in a theater since Spice World. And that really says something.

P.S. Batman, I apologize for physically assaulting you as the credits rolled by at the end of the movie. I'm a non-violent man by nature but the freakish hell that was this movie caused the temporary loss of my already questionable sanity.

Shankster

Before I start into my diatribe on how awful this movie really is, I will say that my wife enjoyed this movie. Here's the caveat that goes with that, my wife is easily sucked in by all of Hollywood's traps and totally engrossed while the movie is unfolding, but she has the uncanny ability to foget about everything that happened very soon after the movie is over. She also claims she had a good time listening to us mock the movie. If you are someone who is blessed with this same skill you will enjoy this movie.

The are only two other ways to enjoy this movie: 1) Really drunk and with a group of friends who are totally willing and ready to mock this movie OR 2) SKIP IT ALL TOGETHER. I suggest SKIPPING this AWFUL movie. If you're drunk it is bad enough to make you sick. If you are going to see this movie to watch hot women dance suggestivly on a bar top, SKIP IT. If you've seen the trailer, you have seen all the T&A and dance moves that exist in the movie. The rest of the story is the tired, trite, cliched, plot line of a small town girl making it big in the bad city. The movie is shameless in how it tries to tug at your heart strings making the situation seem awful and then allowing the character to rise out of destruction and rock bottom. All of this to a cheesy soundtrack and really corny, schmaltzy, and cheesy lines. The movie has a sugar-sweet factor that will make most people sick. And to top it all off it plays "I Will Survive" not once, but twice within the first 5 minutes of the movie using two different versions. Finally, I had very low expectations when I went to see it (despite all of the pub to the contrary) and it managed to go far lower then I thought it could.

To sum up, this movie SUCKS, DO NOT go see it if you want to keep your sanity. It is not a guy flick and it is a VERY poor chick flick. It was awful and came close to making me physical ill. It created the urge to physically assult the person who picked this film. Coyote Ugly is DEFINITELY Hollywood at it's worst (except for Spice World) and it is not worth paying anything to sit through this crap.

For all of you who enjoyed this film, find the Forums, flame away and I will be willing to discuss in minute detail all of the things that I found offensive, I just don't want to spoil any of the plot for someone who might still won't to see it (even after I've warned you not to go near this movie.)

Batman

An open letter to the cast and crew of Coyote Ugly

To producer Jerry Bruckheimer,
Congratulations on taking another step closer to inventing the ultra-commercial movie. You know what I mean, a movie with no redeeming artistic or creative value what so ever that costs little to make and brings in huge box office. This was clearly very close to that goal.

You had half naked men and women dancing on a bar. You had a highly marketable soundtrack. You had that box office friendly PG-13 rating. You had a sugar sweet love story. Perhaps the only elements missing are a big name actor and an explosion. I realize you already used those elements in Gone in 60 Seconds but this movie was considerably lacking in action. Keep working though, you've almost perfected soulless cinema.

To Piper Perabo,
You've got a lot of talent. Please stop wasting it on movies like this and Rocky and Bullwinkle. You've actually been in a couple movies now, so it's probably time to start actually reading the script before signing up.

To John Goodman,
What were you thinking? Admittedly you were easily the best actor in this movie but that wasn't much of a challenge. You can make even the lamest lines sound good. But after this and What Planet are You From? I'm starting to wonder about your taste in scripts.

To the screenwriter, Gina Wendkos,
Congratulations on actually getting paid for this script. The Dairy Council will be presenting you with an award shortly for such a prominent display of cheese on screen.

To the marketers,
Are you aware there are laws against false advertising? The actual movie bears no relation at all to the trailer and ads. Judging by the ads a person could reasonably expect an hour and a half of Tyra Banks and the other actresses thrusting their breasts at the camera. Instead that takes up at most ten minutes of the movie with the rest being devoted to a corny story about rags to riches with a romance thrown in for good measure.

To the owners of the real Coyote Ugly bar,
You might want to consider changing the name of the bar to avoid being associated with this movie. Just a suggestion.

To all involved,
I had no illusions that this would be a great movie. But I did expect something that was shamelessly trashy and entertaining. Instead I got a movie that was incredibly corny and cliched. The scenes in the bar Coyote Ugly are actually pretty good. They are tame considering the way the movie was advertised but fairly entertaining. However, any scene outside of the bar, and those are the great majority of scenes, that doesn't involve John Goodman is pure unadulterated hell. The ones with him are merely tolerable.

This movie is being marketed to young men and is really intended for teenage girls. That says it all.

Sincerely,

John Shea

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