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Lara Croft Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life (2003)
I find movies about modern day adventurers trying to find and deal with legendary artifacts undeniably fascinating. The Indiana Jones series was the perfect example. Indiana was a great character who was a swashbuckling hero but was also a man of science. He didn't do all of this for thrills, he did it to advance our understanding of our own past. That gave him principles and thus weight and that made it easy to follow him anywhere. We knew him and trusted him to do the right thing. The Tomb Raider series is built around a British noblewoman with truckloads of money and free time, which means she gets involved in archeology because she's bored, not from scientific interest. As a result, no matter how skilled she is, how gutsy she is or how amazingly hot she is, it's difficult to really connect with her. The number of people in the world who could relate to her life are very few in number.
Now this all originally appeared in a series of video games where connecting with the main character is a matter of grabbing the controller. Depth of character is nice but almost completely unnecessary. The Tomb Raider games weren't exactly revolutionary in terms of game play or design so we can rather safely assume that Lara Croft's rather spectacular dimensions had something to do with the games' popularity. In a movie however, we need more than an enormous pair of knockers to build a character around.
None of this should be taken as a slight on Angelina Jolie who clearly threw herself into the role wholeheartedly. In manner, movement, form and speech, she has come to completely embody the character of Lara Croft. She deserves a lot of credit for all her hard work. Unfortunately, virtually everything else around her fails to meet her work ethic. The plot is virtually identical to the first film in that Croft must travel to exotic locations to track some mythological artifact that will wreak unimaginable havoc in the hands of the wrong person. For the first film they invented some wacky artifact but this film revolves around Pandora's Box. Now it is certainly a legendary item but not exactly one that anyone actually believes might have existed. It's a little harder to take interest in the story when it feels like they're just chasing a myth. Something like the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant could actually have existed and that gives it some weight, an element sorely lacking in this film.
Apparently when Pandora opened the box she let out everything but a plague. Now the world's top germ weapon developer wants to get the box so he can open it and kill everyone. I think. He alternately says there is now antidote for it and that he has an antidote for it so really I'm not exactly sure what his plan was. The upshot is he thought he could make a lot of money and basically rid the world of everyone he didn't like. What good the money would be at that point I don't know but who am I to argue with a megalomaniac?
Croft enlists the aid of some guy she apparently used to date who is in prison for selling out his own troops at some point. He apparently knows how to track some Chinese crime lord he's never heard of despite having been behind bars for several years. My problem is that I keep trying to apply logic to these events when clearly it won't work and is actually actively discouraged. The plot is really just an excuse to go from one exotic location to the next, have some wild stunt and give Lara another skintight outfit to show off. Not that I minded watching Jolie in these outfits mind you, I just keep hoping for a plot or really just a point to all of it. Instead of logic, I found myself fascinated by the continuity work to keep her nipples just the right level of perky in every scene.
The whole thing culminates in a finale on a set so cheesy that it would have been rejected by the original Star Trek TV show. This also features African natives who can understand English perfectly but can't speak a word of it, requiring a translator. I had to mention that, it really bugged me. There is simply no tension to the film. I can't get terribly concerned over the fate of the world when it's being threatened by a box I don't believe exists and a villain so dumb he builds his ultra-secret laboratory in a Hong Kong shopping mall. I had the same problem a few months back with The Core. The heroes are fighting against something so big and ridiculous that I can't take it seriously. Without tension, the characters are just going through the motions up there. Without tension I spend more time checking my watch than anything else except grabbing the occasional nap.
I'd mention the other actors in the film but frankly none of them made enough of an impression that I could remember their names, or the names of their character. It basically boils down to slimy boyfriend, computer geek, butler, villain, henchman and tribal guy. Actually I did take notice of Noah Taylor although I had to sit through the credits before I could think of his name. I mostly noticed him because I wondered what the hell he was doing in dreck like this after such spectacular work in Max.
This isn't the worst movie of the summer but it is certainly one of the most pointless. It's the same ridiculous mess as the original only with somewhat different style as a result of changing directors. Why anyone would hire Jan De Bont to direct a sequel after Speed 2 could make a fascinating doctoral thesis. Clearly there are forces at work here that I simply don't understand. Anyway, Jolie is better in this film as she has further mastered the character and now seems comfortable and effortless in it. As much as I disliked this movie, I almost find myself hoping they will make another one of these films so that just once the movie can match up to the work she put into the role. Who am I kidding? A better solution would be for Jolie to hunt down and kick the ass of the director, writer and producers. I know it would make me feel better.
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