1999 Pan Down! Awards

The voting is finally over and we're ready to present this year's winners of the Pan Down! Awards. It's only a month behind schedule but hey at least it's done.

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Best Picture: Fight Club

Fight Club was the overwhelming favorite for this award. It received almost twice the votes of either Dogma or Being John Malkovich which tied for second place. The movie may not have done particularly well at the box office but those who did see it seem to have very strong feelings about it.

Worst Picture: Entrapment

Entrapment didn't win quite as strongly as Fight Club but it still thorougly whipped runner up Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo. Whether it was the weak plot or the horrible performances by Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones no one had much love for this flick.

Worst Actor: Adam Sandler, Big Daddy

Here we had the first real battle for an award. Voters were nearly evenly split between the winner Adam Sandler and runner up Antonio Banderas. In the end, Sandler's total lack of any actual acting ability managed to push him over the top.

Worst Actress: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Entrapment

The battle for worst actress was even closer, with only one vote separating first and second place. Men flocked to see Entrapment after the ads showed her slithering between laser beams but were quickly horrified to realize the movie had nothing else of value to offer. That disappointment was probably the deciding factor over Sophie Marceau who may be beautiful but paled badly in comparison to past Bond villains.

Worst Movie Line:

Bond:  "You surprise me Dr. Jones."
Christmas Jones:  "Why James?"
Bond:  "I was always told Christmas only comes once a year."
(Pierce Brosnan and Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough)

Personally I loved this line and so did everyone I saw the movie with but clearly the rest of you didn't agree and voted it the worst line of the year. Go figure. It barely beat out the line, "Spread them again," from Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo.

Best Movie Line: "Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you." (Eddie Jones in Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo)

Deuce Bigalow got revenge for losing the last award by winning this one. It scored a clear win over runner up, "I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die," from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

Most Miscast Actor/Actress: Denise Richards, The World Is Not Enough

Denise Richards ran away with this award. She received more than twice as many votes as the runner up, Sean Connery. The concept of the former James Bond resorting to cuddling was apparently nowhere as hard to believe as Richards playing a nuclear scientist. You mean all nuclear scientists don't wear tight shirts and hot pants to work?

Worst Director: Joel Schumacher, 8MM

Voters really hated Entrapment but worst director runner up John Amiel doesn't generate the sheer bitterness that winner Joel Schumacher does. I hated 8MM and Entrapment but I can't agree with the voters here. Amiel had Connery, Zeta-Jones, and Ving Rhames to work with and still managed to drop this load of dung on us. Schumacher only had Nicolas Cage and a lot of leather and latex to work with. You should be thankful he didn't use that to make another Batman movie.

Best Cosmetic Surgery: Denise Richards, The World Is Not Enough/Drop Dead Gorgeous

For the second year in a row, Ms. Richards won this award with ease. Maybe next year we'll see a movie with Pamela Anderson Lee in it so that this award could be an actual competition.